Why do my eyes hurt?

morpheusI am a great fan of The Matrix, which is the 2nd best film ever made. Bolt is greatest film of all time, in case you were wondering. I can just see you nodding your head in agreement as you read this. “What could ever top Bolt?” I hear you say. And who didn’t cry when Mittens tells Bolt about her owners leaving her behind? Or sing along to the best theme song of all time? Exactly. Feel free to share your favorite Bolt moment in the comments.

Anyhoo, I digest…

Back to the Matrix (which is almost as good as Bolt). Like Neo, a couple of months ago I chose the red pill and woke up from the dreamworld I had been living in, although NightmareWorld is a more apt moniker for the dream state we ACoNs inhabit. In our dream we are trying as hard as we can to be like ‘normal’ people but they keep moving past us, effortlessly, while we constantly trip ourselves up and never quite achieve all the goals we set for ourselves.

Now I’m up to the bit where Neo is lying in the infirmary in the Nebuchadnezzar with all the acupuncture needles repairing his atrophied muscles. I’m in the real world. The one where my brain is no longer wired to  endlessly judge myself as not worthy and reject myself and do things to prove to myself that I am a failure. After a lifetime of living under a false pretense, the world of the real is a bit confusing. I no longer have my False Self disguise, which gave me an illusion of control in NightmareWorld.

So I’m looking at the real world, but I’m unsure now how I fit into it. In the infirmary bit in the movie Neo asks why his eyes hurt, and Morpheus replies it’s because he has never used them before. I know what he means. I am seeing the world as if for the first time, with the filters removed. And while it’s a massive improvement, I need some time to work out what the rules of this world are. No-one has ever explained it to me before. Trinity was spot on when she told Neo that The Matrix cannot tell you who you are – the False Self is no indicator of the real me underneath.

Like Neo I too have people telling me that I am The One (no pressure). That I am unique and perfect and have a purpose here. That if I just believe it then I can have whatever I desire through the Law Of Attraction. Which would be great, if I only knew what to wish for. Right now there is only one thing I want – to become the real genuine authentic me the Universe intended. It’s all worked out OK so far, so I guess we’ll see how that goes over the next few months.

In the meantime, I might have a crack at dodging bullets…


One thought on “Why do my eyes hurt?

  1. Katie Paul says:

    Ahh, the search for authenticity… it’s both easy and hard, bringing both relief and frustration. Good luck.


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